live your life and smile

Saturday, July 11, 2009

It wasn't easy...

Like two weeks ago, I woke up all happy, thinking that in two weeks, the guy I have been chatting with for the last 6 months will finally come to visit me. I had felt for him, something I said to myself I would never do, to fall in love with some one on line and think about a long distance relationship. He came home from work that day, with a bad new. They were changing company were he work, that would mean that he won't be getting his vacation. That meant he wouldn't come. I've left him that night, crying, but not letting him know how much I was dissapointed. I didn't want to make him more unhappy than he was at the moment. But I did really break my heart to know he wouldn't come. We did already try two or three times to meet before, and it never worked up. I could just can't take it no more. As much as I wanted to believe in what was there, I couldn't handle being hurt each time we were suppose to meet, and couldn't make it happen. And I couldn't handle not being able to touch him, or remember how being in his arms felt. About a week ago, I told him that I couldn't take it no more... That I still loved him, but the distance have had too much of a toll on me. I wouldn't have figure out it would have hurt that to break it to him, even if I knew we needed to move on each our way. While I was telling him that, I was crying, and I knew he was, since he was just answering by short answer. He help me opening my heart , reading me easily, charm me with his smile and blue eyes, make me fall in love while living 600 kms away from me...And I had to break his heart, which I never meant to do, especially while still loving him.
HE is on-line right now(I'm actually writing this on Friday). He would have been here with me probably at this moment. I would have been in his arm, feeling his love. But I'm here, crying, remembering how it hurts. Trying not to talk to him, since we have to move on...Find someone closer to us. But still hurts...

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