I'm alive

Wow! I can't believe I haven't wrote on this blog for 18 months! I am still alive!
I did graduate and working partly at another job and as a register massage therapist. I really enjoy being a massage therapist and can not wait to have a full clientele.
I want to get back at writing more reguly. I was sad to hear that the poetry train was not going on anymore. But I guess that shouldn't stop me from writing.
I will try to pop on your blogs, since I have been negleting that too.
Have a good one, and enjoy the nice winter! And the snow for those you have some, like here!

Missing a friend...

It drives me crazy that I miss my friend i had a crush on from karate. It's his birthday today. I wish I could wish it to his face. And I miss seeing around. he is gone in west to become a RCMP. I know I probably talk to you about him. We flirted sometimes, really wagely, but never did one of us did really make a move on the other.
The last time he was over in town, I've meet him while entering at work. During that evening, we did exhange a few texts. one from him was telling me to meet him. And then, a minute after, he said he was going to bed.
I think, someday, I just have the worse luck with guys.
And to make matters worse, one of my good friend, who is kind of naive, is not single anymore. The one that my best friend and I always make some teasing joke about her not making moves at all on guys. So I guess I'm the only one that is single now on my close circle of friend in town. Which is gonna suck. Being the 5th wheel. It did go with my Best Friend, I was use on her having or not having boyfriends. But I've never even seen this friend frankly flirting with a guy even when it was obvious that some were flirting with her.

..... Where am I?

I'm halfway through my course. I really like massage therapy, but I'm to a point of my life when I don't know where I'm going.
I'm single. And for the first time in my life, it does hit me really hard. I'm wanting a boyfriend, that need of affection is almost always there. I need someone to take me in his arms.
And I'm not getting younger. Yes, I don't want to be pregnant when being in school, but I'm gonna be 28. I'm a bit scare of having kid, but i always want some.
And i have to think in December, am I staying here, or am I going back home...

A sad Valentine's day for me

It usually doesn't border me being alone on Valentine's Day. It never did, since I rather be single than being in an unhappy relationship.
But today, I'm feeling really lonely.
A good friend of mine was suppose to come down for the weekend. Yes, there is a possibility of more with him. I was all excited, since, I would finally meet him, and I would have him with me on Valentine's day. On last Wednesday, he told me he was stuck at work, that his boss didn't really give him a choice of working for that certain part of the job.
So first of all, I didn't get him with me.
Then, I ask a guy that I have been seeing to come over on Saturday night, then again on Sunday, and he stood me up the two times.
Another friend of mine was supposed to come over to hang out. That friend felt asleep and stay over his place to watch the Olympic with his roomie.
My roomie wasn't at the appartment.
So I did pass all my Valentine's DAy alone. didn't see a living soul. All I wanted was either company or some cuddling and hugs.
I was watching a show, it wasn't that sad, and I did cry. That isn't really me...
Well, i have school tomorrow, I hope I feel better

Why do guys do that?

I was cuddling with a guy I've been seeing two weekends ago. I've told him I was starting to have feeling for him. He told me he wanted to keep things simple, and he wouldn't want me to get hurt.

I don't tell me feeling easily. It took me two weeks to convice myself to say that to him. The weekend before, I was trying to say that to him, begin to be frustrated, not being able to say that I have feeling for him, that I've start having tears to my eyes. I needed to get out of his place. Be alone. There, on his porch, I've let the tears flow.

And then, when I finally say that to him, he comes with that respond. I'm just sure that he is afraid of being hurt again. I think he got hurt bad in the past, and have a hard time letting me in. He freaking acts like a boyfriend. I've told how he acts with me to my best friend, and she approve with me, she thinks he acts like a boyfriend! I wish I could hear clearly what he said when I've told him that. I think he said that he had feeling too. But he said it so low, that wasn't clear.

I need to confront him for real, but I'm afraid of his reaction.... Will see.

My life sucks bad right now!

I wish I didn't like my course right now! BEcause I don't have a penny left to myself...I don't have full student loan, since I thought I would get unemployement, which I didn't have because they are asshole that won't give it to me since I already have a bachelor!

But I fucking like it the course. I even have a friend of mine telling that he didn't have a backpain from all week after I've massage him. I like the fact that I can help people feel better!

But all the stress from my money problem and from the exams are overwelming. I've cry a couple of time the last few weeks. This is hard for me. I'Ve never had a lot of money, but I was always able to pay my debt and have a bit of extra money.

Sometime, I just wish things wouldn't have to be so complicated in my life. Why, when I want to do something, there always have to be at least one thing making it hard for me!

Anyway, I guess I would just have to wipe my tears for now, go eat and study!

I have to try to be strong once again, even if inside, I'm broken....

3 more to go...then :)!

I have three more exams to go! 3 more! I've done 5 the last 2 weeks, and still gonna have to study for three more days! And then, on Friday, you can bet you are gonna have a drunken me on your arms.
You know you have a lot to study, when, on a Friday night(last friday) you are studying. Yes, you read it right, I was studying last Friday! I have no life right now! I was this close last Friday to start drinking and studying!
3 Days! 3 Days! And I won't have to think or study for a week!
I'm wondering when do I start drinking on Friday! Would I be able to wait until supper time?
My exams are going well, except the one I had today! There was half of the question I wasn't sure at all! I hate the teacher! And a quarter of the question were on the group of muscles I just couldn't put in my head!