Guilty

I am guilty. Guilty of sitting in my car enjoying my iced cap while V is in her seat all buckled up in the back seat. This is not my first time doing this. Sometimes is to eat my breakfast sandwich. Sometimes is to be able to write a big text without her hanging over my shoulder. 5-10 minutes of peace with a toddler. 18 months and she climbed into and out of her play pen this morning. Actualy climbed in 3 times. And was not too happy with the landing of the third.

So I am here, enjoying this song like I am not a mother. Don't get me wrong.  I love V to pieces and with all my heart. But juggling an early bird kid with a lot of energy(she is a good baby though. I don't know how you guys do it with fussy babies or multiple! You are rock star!) and the job part time leaves me tired. Caffeine and moment like this keep me sane. Or from loosing the little sanity I have left anyway!
To these guilty moments of a mom life! Cheer!

Biggest journey about to start

The last few days have been a waiting game. I have finish working, so I am just here at home watching tv and trying to find energy to clean. I am 39 and half weeks pregnant. 

I can not wait to see her little face. Yes, we are having a girl. 2 days before I even took the pregnancy test, I had the feeling I was pregnant with a girl. It is weird to say, I know. I was massaging a future mom, which was obviously pregnant with a boy, but didn't want to know the sex of the baby. And then,I felt that little ball of energy in my tummy. She had a boy and I was pregnant with a girl. Took a test 2 days after and it was positive. Then the ultrasound confirm my feeling. To tell you, since I have been with my husband, I saw for the first time the face of my children in my dreams. Could never see them before. I always saw since one little red head girl. So I guess we have that to see if it will be a redhead now.

 I was lucky, I had a really good pregnancy. Worse part was the swelling in my hands and not having the full feeling in my hands while working. I do hope that the delivery goes as well. But she can come like right now! Like any time. 

I know having her in our lives will be life changing, but I can not wait to see her. To see what part of me and what part of my husband she will have. And to see if she will be an actual redhead (both my husband and I have redheads and Irish blood in our family). 

I know I will be cranky, with the lack of sleep, I am a big sleeper. But still can not wait to see her. There will be challenges! I heard that breastfeeding is way painful! I didn't want to breastfeed more than the first 48 hours, but I know it is the best option health wise and money wise. 

I will be waiting... Just a few days until my due date.

Attempt on being back!

I just realized that I haven't wrote in like FOREVER!!! Actually 4 years!
I am still a massage therapist, which I think was one of the best career change I could ever do. I am helping people feel better without needed harsh medication. A lot of people will say we give a lot as RMT(Registered Massage Therapist) but my clients give me as me back. They tend to cheer you up on those days when you feel a little down or grumpy. And do see how much better some of them are after a few treatments is PRICELESS!!
There have been a few major steps in my life as well that did happen or are about, but will talk about it a bit further. One of them might influence me to write more often here. We will see.
I will try to work on poetry, which I kind of miss doing, but life got in the way. Might be a way to vent out like it used to be and clear my mind.
I will try to write once a month in both blogs. I hope I keep it!

I'm alive

Wow! I can't believe I haven't wrote on this blog for 18 months! I am still alive!
I did graduate and working partly at another job and as a register massage therapist. I really enjoy being a massage therapist and can not wait to have a full clientele.
I want to get back at writing more reguly. I was sad to hear that the poetry train was not going on anymore. But I guess that shouldn't stop me from writing.
I will try to pop on your blogs, since I have been negleting that too.
Have a good one, and enjoy the nice winter! And the snow for those you have some, like here!

Missing a friend...

It drives me crazy that I miss my friend i had a crush on from karate. It's his birthday today. I wish I could wish it to his face. And I miss seeing around. he is gone in west to become a RCMP. I know I probably talk to you about him. We flirted sometimes, really wagely, but never did one of us did really make a move on the other.
The last time he was over in town, I've meet him while entering at work. During that evening, we did exhange a few texts. one from him was telling me to meet him. And then, a minute after, he said he was going to bed.
I think, someday, I just have the worse luck with guys.
And to make matters worse, one of my good friend, who is kind of naive, is not single anymore. The one that my best friend and I always make some teasing joke about her not making moves at all on guys. So I guess I'm the only one that is single now on my close circle of friend in town. Which is gonna suck. Being the 5th wheel. It did go with my Best Friend, I was use on her having or not having boyfriends. But I've never even seen this friend frankly flirting with a guy even when it was obvious that some were flirting with her.

..... Where am I?

I'm halfway through my course. I really like massage therapy, but I'm to a point of my life when I don't know where I'm going.
I'm single. And for the first time in my life, it does hit me really hard. I'm wanting a boyfriend, that need of affection is almost always there. I need someone to take me in his arms.
And I'm not getting younger. Yes, I don't want to be pregnant when being in school, but I'm gonna be 28. I'm a bit scare of having kid, but i always want some.
And i have to think in December, am I staying here, or am I going back home...

A sad Valentine's day for me

It usually doesn't border me being alone on Valentine's Day. It never did, since I rather be single than being in an unhappy relationship.
But today, I'm feeling really lonely.
A good friend of mine was suppose to come down for the weekend. Yes, there is a possibility of more with him. I was all excited, since, I would finally meet him, and I would have him with me on Valentine's day. On last Wednesday, he told me he was stuck at work, that his boss didn't really give him a choice of working for that certain part of the job.
So first of all, I didn't get him with me.
Then, I ask a guy that I have been seeing to come over on Saturday night, then again on Sunday, and he stood me up the two times.
Another friend of mine was supposed to come over to hang out. That friend felt asleep and stay over his place to watch the Olympic with his roomie.
My roomie wasn't at the appartment.
So I did pass all my Valentine's DAy alone. didn't see a living soul. All I wanted was either company or some cuddling and hugs.
I was watching a show, it wasn't that sad, and I did cry. That isn't really me...
Well, i have school tomorrow, I hope I feel better